Last year I attended a pregnancy group to do a talk about self-compassion. Part way through my presentation, I asked the audience if they would like to share examples of how they show themselves self-compassion. Their responses surprised me, as they listed things like “taking time to myself”, “going for a walk”, and “relaxing in the bath”. Whilst these are all great activities that I wholeheartedly support, these would generally be considered as acts of self-care, rather than acts of self-compassion. As there seems to be some confusion about the terms, I thought I would write a few words here to help clarify and to explain in what ways the concepts differ.
There might be other ways to explain this, but my view on it is that self-care is about things you do to look after yourself and support your physical and mental wellbeing. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is about the way you think, the things you say to yourself, and your ability to direct compassion and kindness inwards to yourself.
To illustrate, you could do something really nice for yourself like going to have a massage at your favourite spa (a lovely act of self-care), but if you then berate yourself the whole way home, thinking about how you feel guilty for taking time for yourself, how you shouldn’t have spent the money, or didn’t deserve it, then you’re not being self-compassionate. Simply put, self-care is about the things you DO for yourself, and self-compassion is about the way you TALK to yourself.
However, I would argue that there is some overlap between the two, in that self-care activities can help you to feel more self-compassionate. The reason for this is that soothing, relaxing activities, that might be considered as acts of self-care (e.g., spending time in nature, doing yoga, taking a bath, having a massage, going for a walk) can help to down-regulate your nervous system and activate your ‘soothing system’, which is responsible for feelings of contentment, connection, and safety. When your nervous system is down-regulated in this way, and you feel safe and content, it then becomes easier to extend kindness, compassion, and understanding to yourself.
Conversely, showing yourself more compassion may mean you’re in a better place to be able to carry out acts of self-care in the first place. Carving out time to do things for yourself to support your health and wellbeing will require a degree of self-compassion to start with – an understanding of your own needs and the compassion and kindness to allow yourself to do what you need, without feeling selfish, guilty, or undeserving.
So that’s how the two concepts differ, and how they relate. Both are important in their own right but are both supportive of one another. Prioritising acts of self-care, alongside practicing self-compassion, can help to create a more balanced, content, and fulfilling life.
Leave me a comment below or come over to Instagram at @bloomwellpregnancy to let me know your thoughts and tell me how you practice self-care and self-compassion.
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